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Best headline of the day: Handshake gone awry puts Cindy McCain’s arm in sling. Brittle biddy! An inevitable result of pill-popping and living in a desert climate.

I know I’ve been off the radar for the past couple weeks, but shit is getting hectic in these parts. Believe me when I say that I can’t wait to take a bite out of this neglected inbox. I need to find a new apartment closer to the university and a body to replace mine in my current squat. One to file under ridiculous: I’ve been taking care of an extremely annoying Persian cat (fecking hothouse flowers, those things) for my Mongolian ex-roommate until she returns to Taiwan at the end of the month, but she just informed me that she’s pregnant, so she may stay in Mongolia. She’s twenty. I hate cats. I don’t know what to say or do. Vom. Vod?

Speaking of vod, I just had a dream that I was living in Berlin with Judith. Judith, if you’re out there, you should consider it. Cack-in-einer-Pfanne.

That’s it. Low-level stress, re-watching old episodes of The Sopranos and Murphy Brown (those shoulder pads only make her zingers zingier), and sexy chillin with a hilarious Dutch boy.

Three videos that made my week:

Latifah’s Had It Up 2 Here (I’m allergic to wack crews), Whitney Houston and F-16 Fighter Jets, Lucky Bitches.

The Nineties were simply a better time.